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Unas por Otras

 


My dear girls, 

In Spanish, we say "unas por otras," which is how we justify the tradeoff: we gain some and lose some. It has been almost 18 years since I came to Canada. I know, think, curse, and dream in English just as much as I do in Spanish. We alternate languages around the house and speak some Spanglish version that only you and Dad can understand. There have been many ups and downs, losses, and many treasures gained. My mind is settled; I no longer wish to live in Mexico; I like my life and this version of myself here. That doesn't mean I don't miss everything about it; I miss driving through a street that brings out childhood memories; I miss the people I left behind, the people who loved me, the people who raised me, the noise, feeling a deep sense of belonging. Still, I convince myself daily that this was the right decision for you and me. 

News about Mexico hurt my heart; the government, the violence, the murders, the unpunished crimes against women, the complete disregard for human rights, the stiff gender roles assigned at birth, the obsession to maintain the status quo, the unfair expectations of our sex. I came to Canada because I was sad and depressed. actually, I thought this place had no room or tolerance for me or my "radical thoughts." it turns out that in Canada, my thoughts are not radical; they are actually pretty average. I have opened doors here that I never knew I could. I have achieved complete independence, and I am proud of every accomplishment, every new tradition adopted, every learning exercise, and every new friend I have made. I am happy to be surrounded by good people in a safe environment where I can give you freedom. Freedom to walk down the street at night alone, freedom to be whoever you want to be, freedom to speak and believe whatever you choose to think, freedom to explore, freedom to love whomever you want to love with no reservation. I can't ask any more than that. I left behind a very comfortable safety net so you can live without fear, grow, and just be. 

You can ride your bikes on the street, your neighbours will check your house or shovel the snow in your driveway when you are not around, strangers will rally for you if they see you in need, and you can wear whatever clothes you want, and that won't be an excuse to justify violence. 

You are growing up with diversity, with people who look and think differently than you, and you are growing accepting and tolerant of those differences. You will be independent, capable, curious, and loving, some of which seem easily achievable in other countries, but for me, the learning curve when I came to live here was steep. I hope you are loving your life here. I hope you see the contrast as we travel back and forth and understand why we did it. I hope you are happy, thriving, and safe. That is all I ever wanted for you. 



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