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Understanding Over Judging

My dearest girls, 

Many people out there feel it is their right to tell others how to live, who to love, how to behave, and what box they belong to. You have the power to choose whether you want to be labelled or whether or not you belong in a box. Nobody has the right to tell people there is anything wrong with their choices or identity. I would encourage you to seek answers not only from people who are similar to you but also from those who are different, those courageous enough to stand their ground and own who they are, even if it goes against what society dictates.  

I have always believed that you can teach yourself to love anyone if you take time to get to know them. There is always something beautiful and unique about any human being. Beauty can be made out of hopes, dreams and joy but also out of struggle and pain. In that sense, any person should be a beautiful canvas of experiences; the more you know, the more you understand, and you care, and the more you care, the easier it is to love. 

Ted Laso, a character in a TV series of the same day (one of the best of all times if you ask me), says, "Be curious, not judgemental." What type of knowledge are you depriving yourself of when you shut your eyes and ears? What are you missing out on when you shut yourself from learning and understanding people's journeys and people's struggles? I would say judging comes easy; you don't need actual facts to judge, just a feeling, a fear, some gossip, an article, a video, or a bad experience. Understanding requires an investment, forcing your mind and heart to stay open and not jump to conclusions until all information is gathered; it requires empathy and good faith.  

As you grow older, your questions get harder for me, and answers don't fall into the yes and no categories but rather a shade of grey or a palette of new colours and possibilities. If you see me hesitating, it is because I want you to have thoughts of your own, not only to believe what I believe but to test your beliefs, to dig for more, to teach me, to learn together. You are already growing up in a far more diverse environment than I ever did. You are in constant contact with people of different origins, cultures, religion. Canada gives rights to people who opt out of traditional labels when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identity. Families are all different; some have a mom, a dad and some kids; some have only a mom, only a dad; some have grandparents and no parents; some have two moms or two dads; some have a big sibling that takes care of the younger ones, there is no right or wrong, or at least that is what I believe. If, at the core of each family, there is love and understanding, then that is a good family to belong to. If you can't find these things within your family, then you are free to make your own family and build your own support system, one where you feel accepted and valued, one where you don't feel you are betraying part of who you are for being a part of. 

I encourage you to surround yourself with friends who bring out something different in you, who are positive, loving and accepting, who are different than you and who challenge you to think and push yourself out of your comfort zone. I challenge you to do your own research, to find common ground despite the differences, to never marry a belief or a thought, and to keep learning and growing, to be an ally, to be someone's shelter, to protect and defend even when it is not your fight. 






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