Skip to main content

The kind of mom I want to be for you

As I am buying cute baby clothes and checking items from my "buy for Julieta" list it hits me that I will soon be responsible for another human being's life. I know, I should know this but this anxiety comes and goes. At first is more about the physical changes you are experiencing, then is about planning for when the baby arrives, so between nausea and buying stuff you barely stop and think about motherhood.
I had a great mom; she was kind, sweet, extremely patient and full of wisdom. She was supportive, very involved in our lives and still continues to be one of my favorite people in the planet. My mom had imagination, a good sense of humor, she had style and she carried herself with confidence. I think if I can just be as good of a mom as she was you will be fine. But sadly, I am not my mom, I am me and all I can promise is that I will try to be the following:
- I will try to have most of the answers to your questions. I will continue to read lots of books about different things so that I can teach you more about the world you are living in.
- I will be supportive, this will be interesting when you are crossing thru your adolescence. I will put myself in your shoes and try to give you advice that can work from where you are standing. Even if I disagree with you, I will always defend you and come to your rescue (if needed).
- I will be fun. I will try to come up with fun activities to expand your imagination and creativity. I will sing and dance as much as I can. I will tease you and make jokes to show you not to take life too seriously. I will learn to laugh at myself and find the silver lining in every problem or situation that we need to face.
- I will be demanding. This one you may not like about me, but I have learned that the only way to find out what you are made of is to be tested, to go further, to be pushed. Mediocrity scares me, I want something better for you.
- I will be kind, to the people around me, so that you learn manners and how to behave in a chaotic world. I will be kind even to the people that are not kind back, so that you learn that you don't have to be kind expecting a reward, you should be a good person for the sake of been one.
- I will continue to learn and want things for myself, so that you learn that there is always something to strive for, that you can always be a better version of yourself and that you can always have new dreams.
- I will be strong, so that you can learn to overcome your obstacles, I will try to be a good role model. I will teach you the importance of resilience, of bouncing back, of getting up and trying again.
- I will love you unconditionally, I will love you even when I disagree with you, when you are making mistakes, when you are no longer my baby, forever, I will love you just for been my child.
- I will be a better cook than what I am today. I will try to learn more recipes so I can feed you what you want and what you need, so that you learn good eating habits and you can teach that to your children one day.
- I will be a good wife, the best wife I can be, so that you learn what love, healthy love, looks like. It is hard when you come from a broken home to not pick up any dysfunctional patterns, to learn how to trust people, to communicate in a loving way, but hopefully you will see all those good things in our marriage. It is important to seek love but most importantly the love you deserve. 
- I will be healthy, I will exercise, even though I don´t feel like moving a muscle, I will eat veggies and fruit and less crap, so that you learn what is good for you. I already don´t smoke and I barely drink (I mean now that I am pregnant I don´t drink alcohol at all). My health and choices will help me be there for you for a longer period of time, to witness all the amazing things you are destined to do and be.
- I will be your shelter, I will always be there to comfort you, to hug you and to dry your tears.

These are the things I will try to be for you and with you. All I can promise is that I will give it my all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Unas por Otras

  My dear girls,  In Spanish, we say "unas por otras," which is how we justify the tradeoff: we gain some and lose some. It has been almost 18 years since I came to Canada. I know, think, curse, and dream in English just as much as I do in Spanish. We alternate languages around the house and speak some Spanglish version that only you and Dad can understand. There have been many ups and downs, losses, and many treasures gained. My mind is settled; I no longer wish to live in Mexico; I like my life and this version of myself here. That doesn't mean I don't miss everything about it; I miss driving through a street that brings out childhood memories; I miss the people I left behind, the people who loved me, the people who raised me, the noise, feeling a deep sense of belonging. Still, I convince myself daily that this was the right decision for you and me.  News about Mexico hurt my heart; the government, the violence, the murders, the unpunished crimes against women, the...

The Tradeoff

  My sweetest girls,   Yesterday was a hard and sad day. My great aunt Lolis passed away. It didn't hit me right away. I was having an out-of-body experience as my father was explaining over the phone that she had passed, and that she was tired and had wanted to die for a while now. I thought, "This is where you are supposed to cry, you should feel more upset, why aren't you more upset? What is wrong with you?" When I hung up the phone, you came to see me. You knew something was wrong, and when I tried to tell you, that is where my heart caught up with my body, and I started sobbing. I am sorry if I scared you. Amaia was curious. I don't think she remembers my aunt at all. She was too little; the interactions were so short —a couple of hours here and there. As the hours passed last night and I got talking to other family members, all the memories kept flooding into my mind; cherished moments of my aunt Lolis and my aunt Blanca, who passed away more than 20 years a...

Strong Enough To Be Yourself

My dear girls,  I grew up with strong, independent women and the men who loved them. I believed my opinion mattered and my voice was meant to be heard. Soon enough, I realized my family dynamics were rare. From the world, I was fed doubt and uncertainty. I started second-guessing myself as part of the routine; this never-enough feeling was planted deep inside me, this need to be small, to make myself useful, serving, willing, friendly and never challenging. I worked under the assumption that there was something wrong with all my feminine qualities, that compassion, empathy, and cooperation were weak attributes, that ambition has only one form, and that there is only one way to achieve professional growth. I was "too much," too articulated, too outspoken, too demanding, and too feminist.  My gender served as my own limit on what I could and should achieve. I created a dumbed-down, watered-down version of myself that was less threatening to the world I was living in, but ...