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And Then There Were Two

                                                         My dearest girls:

Now there are two of you; there is 5-year-old Julieta and 6-month-old baby Amaia. 

I am so blessed and so frightened at the same time. I am confident I will love you equally, as passionately and strongly as anyone can. I will be fierce in my love for you. My hope is you never doubt my love and my intentions. I will make many mistakes, of this I am certain, but I hope you see beyond and understand it all came from the same place...love.
I wish for you to live happy, fulfilling lives doing whatever it is you want. I hope you always find in me a friend; I promise when asked, I will keep my opinions to myself.

You will probably, no pressure, have babies of your own one day. I have to tell you, now that we have decided we are sticking to a family of four, you grow up sooooo fast, you blink, and suddenly you are not tiny, helpless newborn babies, suddenly you are smiling, grabbing my hand, laughing and soon enough even crawling. It goes by so fast, and this time is so precious. I want you to know I took my time; I took my time kissing you a hundred times, smelling your head, hugging you tight, observing you take on the world, absorbing the universe around you. I took my time loving you while I fed you, while I comforted you when you cried, while I sang to make you happy or sleepy, while I watched you sleep so peacefully. I took my time and wondered what kind of person you would grow up to be, what you would be into, who you would love, making plans, and looking forward to the journey ahead. I took my time. 

You should know by now, motherhood doesn't come easy, and it is never a perfect science or practice. I yell, I lose my patience, I make many, many, many mistakes, I feel guilt above all the feelings, but one, I feel more love than I ever had before, and that is motherhood. I am proud of you; I am forever changed and happy to relinquish my body, my time, my sleep, and all I have to so that you are happy and thrive. 

I wanted two children to keep each other company so that when I am gone, you have a partner to share all the memories we will create as a family. I wanted you to be each other's friends, best friends if possible, to be there for each other, even when you can't stand each other. I want you to be the family you need to be, as we are so far away from the rest of our family. I want you to never feel alone, even though that might be inevitable at times; please know that my love for you will never end, not even when I die. Now I am getting very dramatic, I am sorry, but I suspect you will inherit that from me as well, as Julieta loves to act up movies and Amaia cries with passion. 

I would like you to know that I am happy to have you, I regret nothing, and I am ready to get to know you better, teach you, and witness your growth. I am ready to be the mother of two beautiful girls that will become magnificent women. 

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